I am a Henchman. That’s someone who gets hired to provide protection when much more powerful and important people are doing something significant.
You’ve all read the stories. Us henchmen get killed off all the time, and nobody really notices, let alone cares. We’re expendable.
Now this job: It’s stereotypical. You’ve got Hero – standard over-large muscle type. The Mage – all white hair and radiating power. The Princess – looks frail but tough as nails. Then a few of us henchmen. We’re cannon fodder.
We get hired through the Henchman’s Guild. Hey, it’s a living.
So I ask the Assignor, “What’s this quest?” She says, “Destroy one of the lost skulls of Kerikos that, if combined, open a Gate to Hell.”
“Why would anyone want to open a Gate to Hell?!”
Her answer makes sense. “Because the one who does gets to sit on one of the Nine Thrones of Hell as opposed to being just one of the inmates. When you have already sold your soul and know you’re damned, you’ll do anything not to just be an inmate.”
Always knew she had more knowledge than she let on. Always suspected she was another damn Wizard. But who cares? She pays my salary.
Being a henchman is lonely. We are not expected to live long, so people tend not to make lasting connections with us. Me though? I’ve beat the odds. This will be my 20th engagement. The retirement package after twenty successful quests is pretty good.
Also, there is my wife. Ileria’s her name. It’s unheard of for a henchman to get married. For some reason, she loves me. I don’t understand why. But I love her beyond life. Smart, beautiful, and funny. Oh yeah, she’s also another damn Wizard. Met her on my 6th quest. Once asked if she put some spell on me to keep me safe. She said she tried, but for some reason wouldn’t stick.
You may ask if I’m married to a Wizard, why do I have to work? She has this overblown sense of duty and does not charge for helping people. Now, could she conjure up the basics for us? Sure. But I prefer to take care of things the old-fashioned way.
Do have one friend. He’s a little guy with no fighting skills. However, he’s a great campfire cook. He can make even the worst field rations taste good using local roots and herbs. This is his 18th deployment.
An army or people on a “quest” travels on its belly. He is part of why we get good gigs and are paid a premium. Still not much, but it’s a living. Well, until we get killed off as a random casualty, most of you would barely notice.
So just another Tuesday. Destroy or retrieve some artifact or other. I really don’t care about the details anymore. Just want to get through this one alive and back to my Ileria.
OK, we’re about to go into some caves. I hate caves. I’m not claustrophobic, but there’s not much room to dodge nasty things in a cave tunnel.
Then the Grokus, they all attack. Ugly little things, but very strong. I really don’t hate them. They did not choose how they were born. But do my job. Kill a lot of them.
My friend turns out to be surprisingly good with his cooking knives. Apparently, knowing how to fillet a deer works as well as filleting some Grokus trying to split your skull.
An arrow is coming right at me. Nowhere to dodge. It is one of those nasty, magic things that punch through armor like tissue paper. I’m ready to feel the hit, but the Hero jumps in front of me. He gets hit hard. Cuts right through his breastplate. Pierces damned-near right through him. As his eyes close, he says, “I used to be a henchman myse….”. He stops breathing.
Of course, being the Hero, he doesn’t stay dead. The Princess has some healing herb or power or something. The Mage kept the Hero’s soul captured in a bottle or something. I don’t understand this magic stuff. Not my job. I’m just a henchman.
So now we are at the quest’s end. The Princess turns out to have the bloodline that let her destroy the Skull. So guess that the Gate to Hell is closed. I'm not sure, this stuff is all above my paygrade.
We make it back home. Got a nice payday and an incredible retirement package. The Guild had to live up up to the terms of my contract. Apparently, it has been decades since someone made it through twenty quests.
Not sure what I’ll do during retirement. But Iileria got called to help with another damn quest. Some new Big Bad playing with powers he doesn’t understand for money or power or something. Whatever. Guess the Wizard’s Guild is as relentless as the Henchman’s Guild. Of course, unlike me, she could refuse. After all, as one of the Seven, nobody can force her to do anything. But she has an overblown sense of duty. Did I mention that?
Guess I’m going on another quest after all – this time as my Ileria’s bodyguard. Imagine that.
So much for retirement.
